A Little Sympathy

During the school year, when I discovered “The Best Page in the Universe,” I was quite agitated at Maddox. Updates to the site were few and far between. I found myself thinking “Damn it, man! All you do is rant! Is it so hard to pick something that pisses you off and write about it on the weekends, at least?” Yes, I understand that he was working on a book, but a couple of paragraphs on the side wouldn’t have killed him. Or so I thought.

This was before I got my job. That soul killing, mind numbing, hellhole I have to go to day in, day out, for 8 hours a day. I had plans; plans for the website, plans for writing stories, plans in general. I found, however, that work sucked by will out of me, and I hadn’t the energy, mental or physical, to devote to creative tasks. My gods, I’m overdue on an article I started 3 weeks ago. Now, I empathize with Maddox. He too had a menial job, that didn’t challenge him mentally yet exhausted him just the same.

In short, it’s a miracle that any part-time writers get anything written. People with day jobs, like Maddox, or the fellow who writes “Fire on the Line” should be praised for resisting the urge to vegetate and provide us with entertainment. Writers such as Tucker Max, who write for a living yet somehow don’t find the time to write, should be castigated by their readers for not providing new content.

25-July-2006

Reverse Crop Circles

Today, whilst I was mowing the lawn at FJ Grafik in Lennon, I noticed something unusual in the grass, something I can only describe to you as reverse crop circles. Instead of grass or grain bent downward to form patterns in the field, they were designs made of patches of darker, taller grass.

The first one I saw resembled the Greek letter Omega (O) with a much smaller opening at the bottom and shortened serifs.

The second was simply a small, thick letter “O”.

The third was a tad more intricate. It consisted of a circle externally tangent to another, larger figure. This figure resembled a triangle with very rounded corners, and was itself attached to a square of grass. All in all, it looked like a large sign for the Ladies’ Room.

What could these mean? Does Zargon, a candidate for his district’s Galactic Commission seat, want 4 billion one-color yard signs printed by tomorrow? Or is it simply a coincidence that the wind deposited seeds of a hardier species of grass in geometric shapes? We’ll never know.*

*Unless, of course, we get an expert botanist to study the grass and give us his/her opinion.

30-July-2006

This essay will never be finished. I’m sorry. I felt really passionate about this nothing-subject. It doesn’t matter how arbitrary the placement of the Red X is. Just because there is no commonality among the ways in which these men got put on the cover of Time, doesn’t mean anybody cares enough to read or write an article about it. Thus, I am clearing away the deadwood in my to-do list, and leaving this as a monument to my sloth.

9-July-2006

I sit here looking at this unfinished essay in disgust. It was current when I began to write it; I dropped another writing project in order to write this. Twenty days has yielded me one paragraph, and the intervening three weeks have brought three new TIME magazines to my door. I am unable to complete this foul essay tonight, but I swear upon my highest honor that by the 16th of July I will have this damned thing completed and posted.

19-June-2006

The Red X

So, we finally got Abu Mousab al-Zarqawi. I heard about it on the television, CNN most likely. But, even if I hadn’t watched a minute of television that week, I would have known he’d been killed before I even opened that week’s (the week of June 19, 2006) Time. That is because the cover of Time that week was graced with an artist’s rendition of al-Zarqawi’s face, with a large Red X superimposed upon it. That same Red X that has graced the cover of Time only twice in the past: April 21, 2003 and May 2, 1945. Al-Zarqawi seems to be keeping some pretty good company, eh? Well, classification by association in this case isn’t exactly the best policy.

25-October-2006

A Monument to My Failures

Books I have begun but not finished

Walden
For Whom the Bell Tolls
The Republic
Journey to the West
The Once and Future King
Paradise
The Odyssee

Hobbies I have undertaken, but not seen through

Playing the Piano
Playing Tennis
Playing the Guitar
Web Design
Writing

2-December-2006

SPECTRE Returns?

The Theory I Devised About the Next James Bond Movie

All right, I’ve seen the new James Bond movie three times, already. After the second time I saw it, bits and pieces began to click together, and at Little Caesar’s I revealed to my assembled friends my stunning revelation. I would like to reiterate that I created this theory completely independently, and was not influenced by any outside source.

Hypothesis:

The organization behind Mr. White and Le Chifre is SPECTRE, the Special Executive for Counter-Intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, and Extortion. This organization first made its appearance in the Ian Fleming novel Thunderball and the Terence Young film Dr. No.

Data:

Look at this picture:

Imagine him a tad older and balder, perhaps a bit stockier. Maybe sitting in a chair? Petting a cat even? (This isn’t the best picture. When the movie comes out on DVD, I’ll get a screenshot that shows exactly the resemblance I’m seeing.)

This is Clemens Schick, who plays “Kratt” in Casino Royale. This Wikipedia page lists him as deceased, but I didn’t see a corpse. Did you? I didn’t think so. This is just a way to reintroduce Ernst Stavro Blofeld.

The purposes of SPECTRE and “The Organization” are similar as well. The Organization performed acts of Counter-Intel (subverting Mathis), Terrorism (almost blowing up an airplane), Revenge (Mr. White blowing Le Chifre away), and Extortion (coercing Vesper). I’d certainly label it Special, and it must have an Executive arm. Looks like we have ourselves the components for a little organization called CTRESPE! (SPECTRE, for all of you too lazy to unscramble the word.)

What I predict, is that “Kratt” was really planted by Mr. White to keep watch over Le Chifre. Mr. White didn’t kill old faithful Ernst as he proceeded to shoot everybody else up, and he will return to take the rains of SPECTRE now that Mr. White is presumably out of the picture.

Also, when asked whether or not SPECTRE was returning, Daniel Craig refused to comment. This is as good as an admission.

Well, I have just put a large amount of effort into this post, when I probably should have been doing my AP World History homework. But I will have the honor of being one of the first to predict the return of SPECTRE.

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